Well, now that I have made the brave attempt to step into the ‘blogger’ world, let me try and get comfortable :) I usually try not to think too much while I write... somehow I feel that this makes you question the thoughts coming into your brain or heart and the letters that come out of your fingertips. I also try not to hit ‘backspace’ too much (invariably it is an invisibly glued organ to my right hand middle finger). What I do try to do is pen down as much possible before I feel sorry that I didn’t. There have been many times, where I have had one thought run into another and lose its way, sometimes I don’t get words out the way I want them to be. But then again, I am human after all, and sometimes I need to accept that instead of fighting it.
That is when I decided that I needed a new beginning, to accept… that:
• I am human
• I am good (in fact better than good)
• I have emotions
• I am not superhuman
• I can do anything (I literally mean that!)
• It’s ok to want
• It’s alright to be hurt, angry, sad, disappointed
• I have the right to be what I want to be
• I have ‘me’ by my side
• I have people in my life who love me (even if they don’t, I still love myself!)
• I can’t expect others to like me (is it too arrogant to say – ‘if they don’t, it’s their problem, not mine? ’ :) )
• I don’t have to like and please everyone in my life
• I need to learn
• I need to relearn the same thing I thought I learnt already
• I can always have my way, provided I decide to throw in a little ‘illusion’ at the right places
• I will have to change, but only for myself
• I need not be afraid (ok... lizards are an exception!)
• I am what I am
Yes, I know what you’re thinking… that is a lot of ‘I’s and ‘me’s :). Earlier when I used to write it used to be quite generic and something that anyone would understand and relate to. But somehow these days I find that my fingers have found a nerve that can be felt more by those who can relate to any or all points mentioned above. Maybe it’s just a phase, maybe it is the lull before the storm… maybe it is just me being tired. So before I lose track and start being politically correct, let me put down something that might get lost when I turn sane – “You are only as good as you want to be, and you will never be bad unless you don’t.”
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Haste to Waste?
Sometimes, when I get engrossed in work, I tend to do things at real top speed. I mean, (I have observed it myself), things just get done all right, like clockwork. I take my time to understand things initially, but when I do, I'm full throttle. And at the end of it, i don't mind the pace at all. After all, its getting done, right? Nothing can go wrong. (and its true... well most of times !) So this gives me the confidence, that haste is not waste after all. But believe me for my mom, who makes me see otherwise.
Sometime back, I was talking to her, and she said something. And, like I do sometimes, I said something in a haste. Now, I can tell by the look she gave me, that she was not very impressed. Don't you feel that moms have this universal language, of talking to you without saying a word. Especially when they give you the 'look'. (Do they teach you that at mommy school or something?) Now, the look can be a lot of things (most of the times, it is - 'why or how could you say something like that. I didn't raise you that way', 'you think you could say something like that and get away with it'... etc..), but majorly, I kinda agreed with her on that. I shouldn't have said it. Or better still, I could have said it, but maybe in a different tone or something. I donno. I have yet to figure this thing out. (I could probably crack granite, but not this !!)
So, here I am thinking again, do we 'haste' through almost everything we do. And do we really worry about the outcome? Sometimes, when I am in this 'haste phase', I rarely am aware of anything else, but what needs to be done at hand. Later, when I do get out of it (I really forget now when that was), I have already missed out on all that I did and how it affected me and the others around me. So in all this haste, I have wasted the precious few moments that I would have got to enjoy with life. This daze that we sometimes go through, seems all too very important at that moment of time, but the moment u get out of it, you realize that it was not that real after all. Or could we have twisted this 'daze' to get incorporated into our 'real' real life, so that we can include others and not be selfish enough to do everything ourselves?
Oh, and because of that universal mommy language thingy, every child knows better....
Sometime back, I was talking to her, and she said something. And, like I do sometimes, I said something in a haste. Now, I can tell by the look she gave me, that she was not very impressed. Don't you feel that moms have this universal language, of talking to you without saying a word. Especially when they give you the 'look'. (Do they teach you that at mommy school or something?) Now, the look can be a lot of things (most of the times, it is - 'why or how could you say something like that. I didn't raise you that way', 'you think you could say something like that and get away with it'... etc..), but majorly, I kinda agreed with her on that. I shouldn't have said it. Or better still, I could have said it, but maybe in a different tone or something. I donno. I have yet to figure this thing out. (I could probably crack granite, but not this !!)
So, here I am thinking again, do we 'haste' through almost everything we do. And do we really worry about the outcome? Sometimes, when I am in this 'haste phase', I rarely am aware of anything else, but what needs to be done at hand. Later, when I do get out of it (I really forget now when that was), I have already missed out on all that I did and how it affected me and the others around me. So in all this haste, I have wasted the precious few moments that I would have got to enjoy with life. This daze that we sometimes go through, seems all too very important at that moment of time, but the moment u get out of it, you realize that it was not that real after all. Or could we have twisted this 'daze' to get incorporated into our 'real' real life, so that we can include others and not be selfish enough to do everything ourselves?
Oh, and because of that universal mommy language thingy, every child knows better....
Thoughts
Every time I lie awake,
I think of all the things I spake,
If all of this would matter,
In all of this... would anyone bother?
And all of a sudden,
The sky gleaming bright, cloudens,
As if to remind me, you can't have everything,
You can't escape the showers I bring,
I lie there, staring at the pouring sky,
Waiting for something, waiting to dry, waiting to fly,
I feel, probably this is for best,
To think I could put my wings to test,
Could I have been more my insane best?
But then, I see, a circle of color,
Not just one, hundreds galore,
Come over the once thundering sky,
As if mocking me,
Did you think I would be so shy?
To not see you awake, to see you lie,
Beneath the clouds you try to hide?
I want to see you soar,
Fly high, ever higher more,
To feel the space, my arms you grace,
So that when I set you down,
With all my love abound,
You will be strong, safe, and sound,
Beating the clouds that threaten to drown,
Now as I awake, tired and aching
To still the thunder outside breaking,
I feel my wings have flown,
To a far off land, unknown,
I feel I have tasted the blue, even for minutes few,
I feel strong, strong to test the water,
To look in the eye of the thunder,
Now that I have flown, I can swim,
Now that I can...... I can win!
I think of all the things I spake,
If all of this would matter,
In all of this... would anyone bother?
And all of a sudden,
The sky gleaming bright, cloudens,
As if to remind me, you can't have everything,
You can't escape the showers I bring,
I lie there, staring at the pouring sky,
Waiting for something, waiting to dry, waiting to fly,
I feel, probably this is for best,
To think I could put my wings to test,
Could I have been more my insane best?
But then, I see, a circle of color,
Not just one, hundreds galore,
Come over the once thundering sky,
As if mocking me,
Did you think I would be so shy?
To not see you awake, to see you lie,
Beneath the clouds you try to hide?
I want to see you soar,
Fly high, ever higher more,
To feel the space, my arms you grace,
So that when I set you down,
With all my love abound,
You will be strong, safe, and sound,
Beating the clouds that threaten to drown,
Now as I awake, tired and aching
To still the thunder outside breaking,
I feel my wings have flown,
To a far off land, unknown,
I feel I have tasted the blue, even for minutes few,
I feel strong, strong to test the water,
To look in the eye of the thunder,
Now that I have flown, I can swim,
Now that I can...... I can win!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Love...
I believe that we all are not capable of only one thing in our life... to not love something... anything :)
Hence, it only seems too fitting for me to start my 'genesis' on this blog with something that I wrote a long, long time ago, but seems all too perfect even now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When life acquires a new meaning,
When you feel you heart is bright and beaming,
When you find every speck of air, sparkling, and gleaming,
You ask yourself - is this love?
When your mind can think of nothing else,
When your heart, with every beat swells,
When your ears, hear the faintest of bells,
You ask yourself - is this love?
When the sun with all its warmth shines,
When everything just falls in line,
When you don't distinct between yours and mine,
You ask yourself - is this love?
When all you ever want is right in front of you,
When you know, what you have is pure and true,
When you no longer feel grey or blue,
You ask yourself - is this love?
When the day begins and ends with a smile,
When you don't worry about walking the extra mile,
When time seems to stand still, once a while,
You ask yourself - is this love?
If all your askance goes unanswered,
Don't fret, worry or bother,
Look inside you, and feel that glow,
'Cause with love, you never ask, you just know...
Hence, it only seems too fitting for me to start my 'genesis' on this blog with something that I wrote a long, long time ago, but seems all too perfect even now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When life acquires a new meaning,
When you feel you heart is bright and beaming,
When you find every speck of air, sparkling, and gleaming,
You ask yourself - is this love?
When your mind can think of nothing else,
When your heart, with every beat swells,
When your ears, hear the faintest of bells,
You ask yourself - is this love?
When the sun with all its warmth shines,
When everything just falls in line,
When you don't distinct between yours and mine,
You ask yourself - is this love?
When all you ever want is right in front of you,
When you know, what you have is pure and true,
When you no longer feel grey or blue,
You ask yourself - is this love?
When the day begins and ends with a smile,
When you don't worry about walking the extra mile,
When time seems to stand still, once a while,
You ask yourself - is this love?
If all your askance goes unanswered,
Don't fret, worry or bother,
Look inside you, and feel that glow,
'Cause with love, you never ask, you just know...
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