Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Cross my heart and hope to die…

Oh, I don’t intend to die on a cross or anything. I was just trying to think of a heading that would somehow make me conjure up something on those lines to write about. But since nothing seems to be coming out of that seemingly blank brain of mine (is it just me, or are we getting a little dumber each day? Hmmm… I think it’s just me!), I’ll just try to hover around hoping some brainwave will hit me… like those flights that have to hover around in airspace till they get the signal to land. So what can I possibly hover about? Well well …. lemme think….. still thinking….. still thinking…. thinking……………………………… Oh, forget it! Lemme do what I do best. Lament on something that I can’t do, something that I used to be good at or some inane trait that I find starting to get fainter everyday till I can no longer remember what it was all about.

Wow… that was one really good summarization of what my ‘usual’ thoughts are all about. Off late I have been thinking (no… not the hovering around thinking, but something that makes sense) if we don’t do the usual bit that we do everyday, what would we do? Especially with someone who likes routine as much as I do, can I even imagine to do something out of the usual? I may have touched upon such a thought in the past, but maybe my trail of thoughts then was for some other destination. And now that I am in this trail, let me see if I can see it through to its rightful journey.

So what I have been thinking about is something like this – if we did everything by the book, let things come as they may and take things as they come, are we being sane and playing the game the way it should be played? Or are we just plain lazy to get off our ass and do what is right? I was recently talking to someone I care a great deal about, and the topic varied from this and that and like it usually does.. started to proceed towards trying to know what they thought of you and vice versa. The advice I got was that I need to get out of things that are really worrying me, that are ‘rutting’ me in. I couldn’t agree more! Bring it on! – the truckload of happy thoughts, the optimism, the energy, the wisdom and any other superlative adjective of an emotion there is to get me out of my misery of pessimism, inertia, disappointments, and plain old laziness. Well, somethings are better left said than done! Not that I haven’t tried it… I have tried being out of the ordinary, out of routine, ‘spontaneous’ – that’s the word. And in being so, when things haven’t gone horribly wrong, I must say that I have enjoyed it! But then what? If you were spontaneous all the time, wouldn’t that become routine, wouldn’t that become over a period of time – boring? Oh… I get it! You need to keep switching between being boring and out of ordinary. eh? Man, don’t they have simpler solutions for these kind problems anymore?!

And what I am really trying to understand here is why is it that we are not ready to be who we really are – anytime or all the time?. Why don’t we want to yell out that we are the best at what we do, even when we know that everyone else knows that and they just won’t accept it? Why can’t we tell our best friend that we hate the way they do their hair, thinking we don’t want to upset them or be rude to them? Why is it that we can’t make up our mind about the 10 different varieties of coffee at the coffee shop, especially when what we really want is just a cup of black coffee? Spontaneity is only worth it when we go for it and come back feeling all goody goody about it, not when we fall face down to the ground and have to grope in the dark for a hand to pick us up. Ya… I know that was the meanest bit of pessimism that I can probably bring on at this point in time.

I like asking questions, even when I know what kind of answer I will get. And especially when I know that I will not be satisfied with that answer. Through many of my earlier articles I have kept asking different kinds of things, not to anyone in particular, but to make sure I get out all the questions that I know I already have the answers to. So, what do you do when you find that you know the answers to the questions you never asked yourself? I swear this will be the last of the questions I ask for a long time – cross my heart and hope to die :) Or do I?

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